Longing to be Loved

I know we all have a story to tell. Some seem more gruesome or horrific than others. The bottom line to them all, as our miss-placed passions rule us, we all are desperately attempting to fill a void within the center of who we are. That void that we've tried to soothe, though temporarily fulfilled, has gotten bigger. It's now more aggressively demanding of our attention, trapping us within and making us helpless to break free. So where does that leave us? For Jasmine, it left her feeling guilty, convicted, confused and hopeless. Any chance of a "normal" life was gone. Or was it? This is her story.

"October 13, 2005, I had an abortion that resulted from a relationship that I had with a relative. Before you gasp in disbelief or disgust, know that it came about, not out of lust that we had, but out of a love that we didn't have.

I would like to say that I had an "ah-ha" moment quickly; That my relationship with him was only a one time thing. It wasn't. What started as innocent hearts longing to be loved and looking basic affection from those closest to us, turned into the selfishness of our flesh, compensating to fulfill ourselves. Twisted. We lived in this dark place, hurting, broken and in desperate need of restoration, destroying everything and everyone that was good for our lives. We felt trapped within the guilt and shame. Out of a desire to have more, in the end, it caused us to be so much less.

Somewhere in the midst you try and make it okay. You try and convince yourself that this is good and right. You do whatever you can to stop yourself from dreaming of something more because you don't believe you deserve any better. Those voices start sneering, screaming, "This is how you will be forever!" and "You are too far gone to change who you are now! Even if you tried, if anyone REALLY knew who you were and what you've done, no one would want you." So you stay. I stayed, off and on for 5 years.

What got me to the place where I let down every defense? Where every sound judgment that I had went out the window? Where my choices and actions led me into a place where I was convinced I had no other choice but have an abortion? Why? For the countless reasons why so many others allow themselves to go where they never said they'd go: out of a vast void inside my life that longed to be filled.

Perhaps you can relate to Jasmine's story. At its core, It is not unlike many stories out there. Although the way the story plays out may vary, the same consequences remain: unrelenting emptiness. Is there a way to satisfy those tormenting forces that drive us so far away? Is there a path back to a full life, free of torment, guilt and shame? There is, but Jasmine didn't know it at the time... That's where we come in.

Black Americans 4 Life (Missouri) is an organization that helps women just like Jasmine. Through collaborative efforts with various organizations around Kansas City, Black Americans for Life is helping women in crisis in an effort to stop the cycle of abortion. It is our goal to enable women to break free from mental, spiritual, emotional and circumstantial enslavement allowing them to live healthy, productive lives.

Learn more about Black Americans 4 Life

So what became of Jasmine? Subscribe to find out. Comment if you can relate to her story. Share if you feel her story could help someone.  Need someone to talk to? E-mail us at info@ba4l.org