Through that relationship, I saw my once good upbringing ripped to shreds. I longed for love, any kind of love, even if it was one that was tainted and overshadowed by drugs and alcohol in a man. I did the typical thinking of, "I can change him". I never dreamed that I was the one that was going to be changed, and it wasn't for the better. Time went by, the abuse got worse. Where was my "happily ever after?" I started compromising what I believed, acting out in ways and doing things that brought shame, confusion and fear. I stopped living and started surviving on a day to day basis. I longed for a healthy marriage. I lost my hope and reason to laugh. I lost my reason to live.
It wasn't until I found myself pregnant with my beautiful daughter that I knew I needed to build a better opportunity for her. I guess you could say that having this baby saved my life. Though any hope for my own "love life" was shot, the love that I had for her, had to be greater. I learned one of the most valuable lessons on this earth: to love someone else greater than I loved me. For the first time in a long time, I had something to live for. We left when she was 6 months old and we never looked back. With $500 in my pocket and nothing but our clothes and a trailer full of stuff, we moved. Scary. I was going to be a single parent, but the alternative to stay and potentially die was no longer an option.
It was not easy. Working whatever jobs and however many hours, to make ends meet and create a home for my child was grueling. We went to church, sought God and allowed healing to come and put back the pieces. I stopped chasing after flighty relationships. I was content to let God make me whole, not a man. That's when it happened...
I was praying with a friend about our "future spouses" and for the first time in almost 8 years, my heart opened up and dared to long for what I thought was completely lost. November of 2010, in he walked into my life. I was scared, convinced he wrong for me in every way. However, for the first time, I was hopeful. And there begins one of the greatest love stories ever written, to me anyways. It's a story of hope, life and second chances. A story that shows, with God, anything is possible- even for those labeled "used goods".
Stay tuned.
Perhaps you can relate to this story. In so many ways, she is like so many women; So afraid to be alone that she settled for counterfeit love and lived in mistrust, abuse, fear and strife. The most beautiful part of the story is that it took a child to teach her what true love was and enabled her to break free from her chains. This baby girl could have easily been aborted due to the circumstances, but in the end, she brought new life, hope and courage.
If you find yourself in a situation like this, know that you are not alone. Black Americans 4 Life is dedicated to provide help in "hopeless" situations. If you feel helpless, hopeless, or scared maybe it is time to reach out to someone. We'd love to help.
Here's how:
www.BA4L.org 816-721-5050 info@ba4l.org
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